Periodical Pain
watching you with her from afar
breaks my heart
but what else can I do
if you don’t feel it too
I love you way too much
to wish you anything than happinees
even though I’m not the one
to be with you in the end
I wrote this verse from the perspective of second female leads in many k-dramas. I imagine myself being in their position and looking at the world through their lenses.
I’m a little hesitant to ask for more
the love and attention just like before
​
I had been the center of attention of my family ever since I was young. The attention, however, has shifted to my younger brother ever since I entered university. I was not comfortable with the shift because I was used to seeing my parents as my only true friends as I moved around so much and they were really the only people who had always stuck around. When they also left me to figure everything out by myself, I felt completely lost. Yet, the education that I received refrains me from showing my vulnerability to anyone, even to my parents.
feel the breathing on my neck
delicate sensation
melting passion on our lips
is it my imagination
Listening to a lot of Ella Mai prior to writing this song, I was heavily under the influence of R&B at the time. Generally speaking, R&B as a genre is quite honest and straightforward about sexuality. I didn't want my lack of experience in sexuality to turn me away from one of my favorite music genres, so I again asked for help from my imagination to write this verse.
I think explaining the background of this song will make the lyrics self-explanatory. I wrote this song during this Thanksgiving break, while I was in LA without my boyfriend, and experienced a crisis in our relationship. I would call him for hours every day and whenever he needed to leave, I felt unease at letting him go. To me, it almost seemed like our feelings for each other were at risk of being over-drafted. In short, I was uncertain about how will the relationship continue with this unhealthy anxiety of mine. I wanted to convey this issue to him and thus finished writing this song.